I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize