If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
