why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
