If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Randomize