I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I am available for nakedness
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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