I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
