We're like a lot better than the average bears
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
