Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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