Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
