I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
