'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
