i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You can't just leave with hair like that
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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