watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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