i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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