She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
