he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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