It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
