My room smells like vodka and shame
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
