You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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