He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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