At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Randomize
