just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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