If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
