Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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