she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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