so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
