don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
tell me about the eggs
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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