I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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