I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize