thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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