I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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