Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
