There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
