She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
