My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
