You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
