She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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