He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
