please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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