There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
