if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
