go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
