We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
