At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
wow bdsm is so cute
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
