all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
what day is it and did you see me today?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
