Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
