She is in my trunk
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
