you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
