I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
