im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
