Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
