I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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