ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
