u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
