i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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