I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
