onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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