just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
