Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
