bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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