I think scott just propositioned me for sex
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
