I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
