community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
