Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize