so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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