omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
