yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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