Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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