don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
