watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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